Rediscovering Joy: Why Letting Go of Resistance Changes Everything

Think about the last time you saw a child laughing — really laughing. That unfiltered giggle, the wide-eyed wonder, the kind of pure joy that seems to light up everyone around them.

Since becoming a father, I’ve been struck by how deeply people feel drawn to this innocence. Even the toughest, most guarded strangers will soften and smile when they see my daughter beaming at them with open-hearted curiosity.

Somewhere along the way, many of us lose that easy, natural joy. As adults (though already beginning in childhood), we learn to suppress our feelings — not just the painful ones like anger, fear, or grief, but often the joyful ones too. We dampen everything. As Joe Hudson puts it: 

“Joy is the matriarch of a family of emotions. She won’t come into your house if her children are not welcome.”

My coaching is about helping people return to that natural state of joy — not by forcing happiness or pretending life is perfect, but by wholeheartedly welcoming their full, authentic experience. Because when we let go of resistance and say yes to life, joy flows naturally.

Joy is not the same as happiness

I’m not talking about happiness here. Happiness is fleeting — a mood, a moment, a response to pleasant circumstances. Joy is different.

Joy has depth. It can sit alongside, and intermingle with, sadness, grief, even fear. It’s not about plastering on a smile or chasing constant positivity. It’s about fully feeling life as it is, knowing that even in difficult moments, there’s a quiet, steady sense of aliveness underneath it all.

The trap of seeking joy through external change

When people first come to coaching, they often hope that changing something external — a new job, a different relationship, a fresh start — will bring them joy or happiness. 

That makes perfect sense. After all, it seems logical that if we fix what’s wrong on the outside, we’ll feel better on the inside.

But here’s what often happens: we resist the situation we’re in. If we’re unemployed, for example, we resist the fear, doubt, or anxiety that comes with it. We tell ourselves, “I don’t want to be feeling this way.”

In trying to avoid these uncomfortable feelings, we end up pushing them down (for example by frantically writing job applications). And when we suppress one emotion, we suppress them all — including joy.

The power of welcoming what is

So what’s the alternative?

In my coaching, I guide clients to welcome their full experience — including resistance itself. It might sound paradoxical, but when we stop fighting our inner world, something softens.

Carl Rogers put it beautifully:

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

From this space of acceptance, real transformation becomes possible. We reconnect to our creativity, intuition, and compassion — the very qualities that help us navigate life’s challenges more effectively.

I’ve seen clients who felt utterly stuck suddenly reconnect with a long-buried dream. One client came to me deeply anxious about being unemployed. By learning to sit with her fear instead of resisting it, she discovered a forgotten passion for starting her own business. From that place of clarity, new ideas and opportunities began to emerge naturally.

An invitation

If this resonates with you — if you feel ready to explore what it’s like to live with more presence, self-acceptance, and joy — I’d love to support you.

Why not book a free 30-minute consultation? It’s a chance for us to meet, explore where you are, and see if working together feels right.